no mercy

forbidden

2009-03-17T05:40:00.002-07:00

sweet sexy voice
giggles throughout
speaking words that
sooth and inspire

lonely and bleak
drudgery
routine
seeks sun to
burst through dark cloud

illusion of something
that can never come to be
pieces stitches together
a fictitious whole

run swiftly now
into knowing space
sadly
this, too
is forbidden

sparkler

2009-03-17T05:40:00.001-07:00

ground shifts
underfoot
small movements
just enough to lose
balance
direction to fall
undetermined
far away down
velvet halls
shines a sparkler
numbers align
meaning unknown
heartbeats faster
senses on alert
waiting for
the full array
of fireworks
to brighten spirit
and light way
to key
of locked cage

pathways

2009-03-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

constant protestations
coupled with testimony
that love is the source
assuming understanding
of things unknown

judgment and complaints
of the cage where I dwell
the footsteps I have left
or pain you think you know ...
... but don’t
have no place in my world

words fall hard
like concrete blocks
shattering from stories above
I am not fluent in your language
and I no longer wish to learn
I no longer want passage
to this world you live in
where facts are not entertained
where nylon covers your face

simplicity
is really what I need
I did not ask you
to be my pillar

battery

2007-12-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

he threw it in my face
maddog
mad dog
with the wish
written clear
that it was heavy
would bring damage
not light
fluttering to the ground
my reaction
fear and surprise
seemed to satisfy
I dared to speak
seek resolution
then the words came
like punches
... and women wonder
why men
hit them.

the battle

2007-08-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

you’re so cool...
she wrote
in the moment
when all hell broke loose
punctuated with little hearts
I wonder what it would be like?
... to have a love like that?
It happened fast,
but so true
laughter bright
kisses true
I battle the demon
not of my own
cold and strong
drowning
gasping
there is no reason
for his attack
only to destroy
weaken
have what he wants
he takes
and takes
until I don’t recognize
myself
barricaded in
dark rooms
vodka on my lips
I plan my escape
with the monster at the door
the hardest part
is there was
a sweet man there
before
now it’s come to one
chilling thought
him or me
and the weapons
are in
his arsenal

no home ... again

2007-07-05T00:17:00.000-07:00

no home ... again
there is no more
my home
is a view
of the bedroom door
just ignore me please
you’ve made it clear
that only when you
want something
is when you want me near
dark silence you both kept
as I gave time, love and heart
in my small space
I secretly wept
I gave more
much more
than my part
soon all there will be of me
all you will see
is the space that I kept
where I hoped you loved me

to begin the end

2007-07-03T03:57:00.001-07:00

It’s liberating really.
“I couldn’t see past the pain,”
she said.

Hopelessness.
Deep, dark, sticky, infinite,
hopelessness.
That’s what pulls me under...
with the few odd breaths
at the surface.
The liberation comes
at the simple
painless
matter-of-fact realization
that I could just...
Quit.

I don’t ever have to see
that “to-do” list.
No more sorting, again,
through boxes from storage.
No more details.
Dear god the endless
barrage
of details.
No more trying to fix
the unfixable.
No more reaching out
for her... for him... for them
only to come back
empty handed
and forced to smile.

I can’t see past the hopelessness.
Instead of closing doors
it’s opened a possibility...
and I can’t seem to think my way
around it.

the inbetween

2007-06-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

In the dark
the pain consumes me
and I contemplate the
reality
that happiness
and any real
blessed light
are for other people.
Perhaps, if I accept this
as fact
my nightmares
will cease to be
so brutal and
demanding...
...and sunlight’s taunting
rays of day
will not devour
me whole.

unloveable

2007-04-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

door slams
small girl sits alone
wondering why
he left
and if he’ll come back
does he love me?
did I do something wrong?

the questions echo
bouncing off the corners of her mind
never finding companion answers

anger explodes
love dissolves
faith is a myth
another door slams

young woman sits alone
and cries out
why did he leave?
does he love me?
am I loveable?
will anyone stay?

passage of time
only makes the echoes of
questions
and slamming doors
louder
and louder

grown woman sits alone
fighting the flood of tears
tired of slamming doors
accepts she is unlovable
that no one will stay

in that room
she sits
still
alone
... in the quiet

Breathe.

2007-03-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

It’s all so broken
and all I can do
is write
not much of a band-aid
my mind’s eye sees me
fly through the sky
to you

I soar down hospital corridors
becoming very small
I snuggle on your shoulder
and whisper in your ear
like the fairy of light...
“Live,” I say, “Breathe in what you already know…
…deep in your soul…”
under the broken parts
the parts held together by scotch tape and string
you know that life breathes and glows in golden colors around you
waiting for your artist’s touch
that no one but you
can use to whisper warm life into each stroke

we float in the otherworld
where I show you
the fields full of sunbeams
and happy warm kitty paws
all together

It’s not time
I’m not ready
WILL your heart to beat
nourish body, soul and spirit
I need you keep to here
so you can whisper in my ear
if the pain of loveache
whithers me away
the artist’s soul
knows each other’s pain
through desert night sky
I plea with the Great Spirit
to join my half strength
with yours
so we both
breathe in
something new
and WILL hearts to beat

the beauty of war

2007-02-09T03:28:00.000-08:00

by all means
cheer at the victory
of the burning tank
drifting black smoke
burning flesh
horrified faces
the visions of dead men
lying in unnatural positions
bloody
and charred
in the street
for those to step over
like so much rubbish
no matter the color of his skin
or the slant on his speech
his family mourns this night
… and you
in your sanitized boardroom
you all listen
as Yosemite Sam
fabricates reasons
to send more
on a suicide mission
not of choice
but of loyalty
and duty
to country, family, and flag
then go for coffee and lunch
without missing a beat…
please, then, come to my house
and see how your ridiculous choices
and aimless missions
are tearing my family apart
along with so many
the men who can no longer yell
“get some!”
at the thought
or the memory
of a confirmed kill.

morning sky

2007-02-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

bright orange fire sky
burns up over
not too close
silhouette of trees
sky burns into
red morning bright
pink cottontail clouds
lavender marries into
new morning blue
if only morning sky
could dictate
affect
what happens on hard ground
battlefield
boardroom
and classroom
serenity could rain
down on our weary souls
instead of a death count

pandora's box

2007-01-26T04:48:00.000-08:00

if ignorance is bliss
then wisdom can be a lonely burden

anytime

2006-12-16T04:20:00.000-08:00

stillness envelops me
urging me to breathe
the cold night in
deep piercing breaths
closing my eyes
I take in the soft foggy air
and I feel you all around me
inside me
a part of me
that will never die
this is the way it is
but I still breathe you
in my mind
I call your name
this ache
permeates
every cell
every pore
my blood
my bones
sometimes…
I know you feel me
out there
wondering
do I ever cross your mind?
anytime…

tomcat

2006-10-28T02:23:00.001-07:00

dark night sky
bursts open with sound
tomcat all grown up
18 now and thundering
power and speed
responds to gentle touch
like a woman
with the muscle
of a man
tomcat flies over
I say silent thanks
to the dark sky
and the silent pilot
I know protects me
every night

home again (angel)

2006-10-20T05:06:00.000-07:00

new big tree
smaller than last
and surrounded by many
my big tree
not a stand alone
in city lights and sounds
is still my companion view
as I look through my bedroom window
into purple sunset sky

home is transitional
a new vision
not planned ahead
but created with
every soft kiss
every sunday morning pancake
that used to only belong to others

even in harsh words
home is formed
they hash out the structure
cement foundations
what is mine
what is his
what is ours
how we breathe
as one

my small hand
caresses the small of my belly
small angel
you lived in me only briefly
my body your home
but showed me the end of
the rainbow…
in that mist on that fall day…
you took me there
brought light and direction
to my new home
even if the path should fork
and a new vision should build

I always thought
home was a structure
home is fluid
breathes like air
flows like blood
changes like mood
but love’s foundation
of self
of life
is the way to follow

lost

2006-08-28T04:21:00.000-07:00

big brown boot
steps hard
crunching soft flesh
and bone to dust
without feeling a thing
it’s how they roll
in the mirror
I look for me
but I don’t recognize
those eyes
or those beside me
tornado spins around
faster faster
taking me into
dark funnel cloud
of toxic anger
foundation of lies
I squint and shade my face
no light finds me
this was not the new chapter
I wrote in my heart
that started
with love
…honor
…and cherish…

prankster

2006-06-29T02:10:00.000-07:00

sink hole
quick sand
I understand you think
I slighted you in some way
but can’t you just leave me be?
why would you try and rip
this love from me?
you can’t
you know…
pathetic child
and the person you hurt most
is him
not me
and he’s lost so much
he only ever has offered
help to you
rocks just keep falling on my head
he holds me up
you should understand that place
once I held you up there
you are vicious and cold
never who I thought
there is no retribution needed
you will bring your own misery

ode to a warrior

2006-05-27T04:01:00.000-07:00

the warrior in me
pulled the trigger
a reflex
precise and controlled
but an instinct
pounded into me
it was the…
….right thing…
to protect myself
my brothers
my country
no need for weapons now
the man in me
walks through dark hallways
in my mind
hearing the shots
feeling the instincts
of those days
proudly in uniform
yet not feeling the…
…right way…
not finding my warrior spirit
to stand tall and remind me
a killer kills without honor
my honor lives
in the breath of those
alive because I did not fail
to act

value of love

2006-05-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

how valuable
is my touch?
when you are in pain…
when you can’t sleep?
how much worth do you put
on my kiss?
to show you love
heal your wounds
bring you peace?
the soft essence of my love
around you
the very woman in me
that I put into every small thing
every big thing
that I do
ways to bring you love
show you home
surround you in comfort
does that have value?
does it cross your mind
when you decide to shatter it
taint it?
destroy it?
for meaningless, thoughtless
bits of nothing
that you had before me
and never brought you home
or comfort
this tells me
you do not see the value in me
in my very person
that I deserve better
for the home I have given
the heart I have shown
the love I have shared
I can’t keep fixing
what you keep breaking

the dirt

2006-05-03T03:58:00.000-07:00

this can’t be my map
I swear I was walking on
a new road
suddenly I see
my boots are the same
dusty and worn
the horizon is bleak
there are no road signs
it seems I’ve walked in a circle
now more lost than ever
my love brings warm, soft relief
yet not enough to save me
I have to save myself
I fear
it’s time to admit
I cannot do it
I am lost in this desert
I have no compass
this map never changes
the weary traveler, am I
stuck in the spiral of nothingness

island

2006-03-26T17:15:00.000-08:00

floating here
silently
adrift
I speak my native tongue
a language
only I know
often attempts
at translation
are fumbled
leaving the outside world
with misperception
of the weight I carry
and the word I speak
I hold it in spirit
an island
in myself
loneliness lives here
a flatmate I do not choose
yet I cannot speak
the deepest parts of me
and be heard

chill

2006-03-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

chill to bone
warmth eludes
best effort
rain pounds down
no baptismal
or purification today
just ritual water
lending to ceremony
of letting go
that which cannot be
in order to keep
that which is
destined
in hopes
the foundation
will not shatter
at the effort

steam

2006-03-04T19:44:00.000-08:00

hot water beats down
steam filled room
lavender suds cover
dark skin
on light
bodies pressed together
stopped in time
candle burns low
deep, soft, slow kisses
pull us closer
tender, deliberate touches
two as one
with simple
intimate space
just your kiss
pulls me into you
now there is
no other place
I’d rather be

beginnings

2006-02-24T04:43:00.000-08:00

I play it cool
then I see you there
strong and sweet
you smile at me
I just want to run to you
lose myself
feel your hands in my hair
taste you
feel all of you
pressed against
all of me
I hear your voice…
…baby, I’ve missed you…
so much..
I hide behind walls
our roles reversed
keep trying
sweet boy
I’ll meet you
in the middle
I miss you
too…

duplicity

2006-01-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

my soul has been
yearning
for hands like yours
when you touch me
it all goes away
so strong
so tender
but then…

the absence
of your kiss
the cut of your words
slices the
fundamental me
down into the dirt
where tender touch
can only revive
reawaken
in limitation
I grasp for acceptance
instead finding only
criticism
reflection brings
clarity
the touch was never
meant for me
my flesh a mere substitute
for what breaks your heart
disrespect
at turn after turn
both small and large
you belittled my very self
and all offerings
disapproving of so much that I did
most that was said
the very me that I gave you
in heart and spirit
it was never…ever…enough…

you pushed through the door
without so much as a conversation
or thought
of my feelings
knowing I held it sacred
you pushed beyond resistance
protestations
I was not even human then
just a shell
that is not
how to make me feel
like a woman.

shallow

2006-01-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

just go away
will you?
you speak lies
in your truths
I bang hollow tin
where it all
“meant something”
and your…
absent...
...presence
breaks glass
reminds me
of uphill walks
I shouldn’t have
bothered
to make

sign

2006-01-07T06:37:00.000-08:00

angel water
mist floats above
ocean break
glowing under
half moon rising
inky sky
showcases diamond stars
waxing wishes
taken on breath
of a poet

the one

2005-12-26T06:52:00.000-08:00

somewhere, as navy night
blankets city beautiful
in starry wonder,
you sleep…
maybe with someone
beside you
but, she is not the one…
as the wind kisses your neck
you will know
the one is out there
her voice is on the rustle of the leaves
the crashing of the break
nestled in silent moments
when you feel alone
but realize
in deep, thoughtful breaths
you really are not
because just steps away
waits the girl
who’s eyes you will know
although you won’t know why
when she speaks
some part of you will recognize
her voice from the wind
from your dreams
telling you
…I am the one…

rapture

2005-12-15T21:24:00.000-08:00

In another life,
you were by my side…
my fingers remember
all the places on your body
you love to have touched
every inch of your skin
the sound of your breath
the echo of your laughter
sends ancestral memory
bubbling up inside me
to say…
yes, I know you
in other lives
I’ve loved you…
eternally I will know you
your scent will find me
your body will fit mine
so perfectly
and deliver us to rapture
our souls will remember
and each time I kiss you
and fall deep into your embrace
I thank the universe
for the breath that fills your spirit
and brings us together
for this day
and for always
___________________________
for Kevin & Molly

second blade

2005-12-11T23:21:00.000-08:00

blood rushing from heart
sinking fast
memories pour in
a familiar place…
in my heart, I know this…
a voice, behind the wall
muffled, but I understand
all too clearly
what’s being told to me
although I still am spoken to
like a child
who understands nothing
who cannot see
this time
I step first
and it will be the last
the blade still twists in the flesh
where you left it
no second chances
at a piece of my soul again

beyond the hedge

2005-12-08T01:46:00.000-08:00

quiet communion
with the moon
we speak in secret languages
she entices me in her wisdom
beyond the hedge
to all things known
and unknown
ways of old that live in the mist
in a time forgotten by most
sacred spaces invoke
wisdom of ages
I feel my blood warm
running through me strong
my body is not my own
but connected to all around me
the power of the goddess
the Great Spirit
all in nature is One
inside me…around me
dark blessings
power of light
bring finally the path
to home

listen

2005-11-26T06:06:00.000-08:00

air blows cold
through empty home
raindrops baptize the
season
golden pink leaves dance
through autumn wind
alone is this dwelling
any warmth I must sow
Mother ocean calls for
patience
in sunrise times
but as still darkness looms
in damp windowsill
I wonder how much more
I can do
when my screaming is silent now
my footprints don’t show
the words hang hollow

I wish on first light
for the storm
she will say
what possibly
I cannot

dysphoria

2005-11-22T20:34:00.000-08:00

river runs deep and low
pinky-gold leaves hitch a ride
rain drops ripple
in cold water slow
as I watch it all swim by

silence

2005-11-20T01:39:00.000-08:00

in the silence
I dwell
swimming in
questions
unanswered
one answer
screams through
clearly
I am not
significant enough
to you
to speak to

my life

2005-11-08T00:12:00.000-08:00

years of what?
years of this?
how can I tell you
what I plan
in my head….
that I write apologies
in my dreams
for pain
not yet caused
I sleep away hours
too painful
to live through
because all the roads
end
in head on collisions.
it is
my life
…..life….
mine.
my angels keep me here…
for how long I don’t know.
years of this?
who is selfish then….
tell me that.

incantation

2005-11-07T00:56:00.000-08:00

darkness envelopes me now
but I close my eyes
and feel your warmth
I swim in the moment
in my mind
your lips on mine
the deliciousness
of kissing you
even miles away
I hold that place of refuge
wrapped safely
in strong arms
against soft, warm skin
losing hours in your kiss
so intimate…you said…
blessed imagination
carries me away

jagged

2005-11-01T22:08:00.000-08:00

I bleed into to it
pure lifepulse
the surface is smooth
if I smile
underneath its
current spins me
jagged
dizzy and depleted
I stand alone
wondering
do you even notice?

_________________
Photo by Phil Easter

the kiss

2005-10-22T05:33:00.000-07:00

your eyes hold mine
with bold confidence
breathing becomes ethereal
sensations from your hands on my skin
bring current
to spirit
sparking life
into being
and flesh
you speak as you come closer
now heartbeats in rhythm
…..kiss me
painfully slowly you move
I grow desperate to taste you
pulling you in
until nothing but a whisper
between our lips
remains
delicious anticipation
softer now …
…..kiss me…I want to taste you..
hungrily you take me
into the dance

baptism

2005-10-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

warm water
cover me up
baptismal on my skin
soothes soul
and inner beast
in single moment
ripple sound
mounts voices in deluge
serenity in cadence
of water’s soft lap
on pale flesh
evanescent refuge
for enduring sting
____________________
photo by Phil Easter

bright angel

2005-10-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

waning moon
watches over pure heart
wind blows soft
in still night
heart beat slows
as warm bright light
gathers free soul
with wings at last
to fly free from pain
but never far away
in new still night
speak out loud her name
and she will be with you
at your side
always

~for Lisa
____________________________________
photo by Phil Easter

demonsleep

2005-10-04T04:52:00.000-07:00

slave to you
I have become
you steal my breath
and pollute my dreams
navy sky blankets
city beautiful
while I swim through
thick black dark
clinging to me
heavy and masterful
sleepdemon
peace thief
stealer of soft slumber
who penetrates
daylight hours too
with no effort
sneaks life away

__________________________________
painting done by Henri Fuseil, 1781
"The Nightmare"

eternal

2005-09-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

you live inside of me
thoughts of you
take my breath away
no time
will change
how you possess me
I live without you
sometimes aching
profoundly
missing the days
I lived with you
no man will ever
hold all of my heart
even after a decade
I would throw away
all the smart decisions
just to kiss you
again
___________________________
photo by Phil Easter

laundry day

2005-09-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

no other connection
then
the scent of you
brings me into
memories
warm and soft
still lingering in my
clothes
as well as my mind
I indulge myself
for a moment…then

laundry day.

mr. blackheart

2005-09-09T03:56:00.000-07:00

hey
mr. blackheart
living in duality
is your bed cold?
where your heart beats?
or does it beat hollow
like drum sounds
on sad nights?
the achestorm
you feel
is yours
warmth seeks you
but slips off
smooth hands
alone is your home
until you learn to swim
solid
in the essence
of a woman

single note

2005-09-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

teasing me endlessly
in every situation
laughter is foreplay
as much as
the kisses
I can’t taste enough of
you fit my body
molded perfectly
responding to each breath
each movement
as if you knew
before I did
you are my playground
and I have all night

moments

2005-08-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

dawn shimmer
showing faint in morning sky
my skin remembers
your touch
soft lips on mine
I carry your scent
and breathe deep
my body
has already memorized
the feeling of yours
as it pressed
strong against mine
he smiled as she said
you are
my new experience
I will drink in
these moments
like warm, red wine

messenger

2005-08-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

heart races
breath catch
wish granted
three weeks to the day
promise in the moon
pulling me into
deep soul breath
life in the blue
soaring
something I forgot
a messenger
of new adventure
is at the door
no questions
I open it and go

transcendence

2005-08-18T05:47:00.000-07:00

soft light of morning
shyly peeks golden fingers
through window glass
memorializing your face
like an angel
city inhales
new breath of day
small victories of life
fill the air with
energy of love
and remembrance of touch
connection
all is new
in my eyes
and yours
as deep blue ocean beckons
for me to worship
my blessings
_______________________________

perfect photo. (thank you Fred Voetsch for capturing it)

character

2005-08-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

cloaked disregard
swims in pretence
candied dismissals
make me blind
I felt around
for a while
skinning knees
bruising elbows
clear dawn
brings sight
new bright light
shines in me
shows me
colors of true
words can’t hide
what blatant actions
scream silent
a man’s character
is his destiny

speak

2005-08-02T03:07:00.000-07:00

your name was
on my lips
like no other
no other did I
cry out for
still I call for you
in the night
on the wind
soft message
carried nowhere
your body
each move
set me on fire
first touch
brought heat
now darkness
brings cold touch
as you melt into
her

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt

unspoken

2005-07-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

dropping pebbles
one by one
in a long blue bottle
for everything
I cannot say
to those
who wish
not to hear
one by one
bottle overflows
my heart still aches
don’t tell me
I’m not alone

renewal

2005-07-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

toes deep in sand
heat on my cheeks
heart pounds out beats
of life
and renewal
I know you are there
mother ocean
kisses skin
makes it salty
to the taste
long deep breaths
I lean my head back
and take in
the possibilities

summer

2005-07-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

green grass sways
in summer breeze
bayside ducklings
paddle in to cool
shimmer blue
gold sun warms
bottoms up ducks
as crisp white sails
fill city beautiful skyline

sometimes

2005-07-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

sometimes
I’m not okay
I sound stronger than
I am
but really
I’m coming undone
or already found
my way
there

the blood
on my skin
in the room
dripping to the floor
on the blade
soothes me

and
I
can’t
tell
anyone

because I’m the one
who is
supposed to be
strong.

something died in me that day.
but if I say that
they will lecture me
or leave me
or judge me
and then I will be
even more alone than I am now.
how do I beat that?

I don’t know how to make it work.
the blood is so unspoiled
as if it has a chance
outside of my body
that I don’t

I don’t want to live anymore.
I don’t feel suicidal
I’m just tired
of the neverending
battle for money
to make something out of myself
when I did all the right things
already
and nothing worked
the ache to be loved
and have a social circle
that always failed
the need for a man
to love and accept me
as I am
in a healthy, strong
relationship
maybe even a family

time goes by
and it looks like
that will never happen
life’s details take over
the errands
cleaning
laundry
and I can’t do it
alone
anymore.

I want more,
but I can’t
seem to
make it happen
so I just want to
stop.

salvation

2005-07-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

ocean breeze
rustles big green leaves
as if to send
a message...
I am eternal
she whispers
settle into my arms
when you feel
no love
no presence
gaze at my vastness
when you forget
your faith
your soul will know
the place you seek
salvation waits
in the break

cracked glass

2005-07-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

flesh warm flesh
heart touch heart
you melted me
from inside
spirit and body
two of breath
one in life

now still, silent room
picture falls from wall
cracked glass on image
shows reality
hidden
all along
it could never be mine

truth

2005-07-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

what do you do
when
the people who say
they love you
the most
say the thing
they want from you
the most
is
your absence?

vacant

2005-06-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

small soul stands
worn and beaten
sleep only a memory
love a fleeting thought
a glance to the corner
proves an empty stool
where you once sat
you forgot to breathe
she fights alone
and stands tall

in the distance

2005-06-27T05:04:00.000-07:00

my grief bleeds free
I show you how
my heart breaks
we find a groove
so I believe
but
it’s the shiny
candy wrapped
razor blade again
the hours played
with new
while crushing the spirit
of love
will find your dreams
one day

disconnected

2005-06-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

floating in dark night sky
single balloon wonders at
glistening stars
and velvety dark
until she realizes
around her
all the other balloons
float in bunches
they wave and smile
send love and kisses
but ultimately
her presence
or lack thereof
is not significant

desolate

2005-06-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

clock ticks by in
blood bled wood
fresh blood drips
off the bench
promise made
isn’t promise kept
rage is found
digging through scraps
trying to find
the piece that tells me
who you are
because I don’t
recognize you
imagination rages
last words run cycles
dust bowl wind howls
just me and these boots
walkin’ the same road
alone

old stories

2005-06-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

soft flesh cheek
stings pink
slapped in the face
for daring to question
this time
intentional
dusty boots
kick dirt
in frustration and hurt
at least I know this place
blood bled wood
remains
how many rope burns
do you get
before you let go

clouds

2005-06-06T02:16:00.000-07:00

deep dark clouds
waltz over night sky
moon makes its presence known
strong, bright, beautiful
like you
I smile knowing
you see the same moon
and love me
even when clouds
fill my eyes

...for Jen

the art of shoveling dirt

2005-05-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

deep hole
by the light of the moon
I shovel dirt
in and in
to bottomless nothing
I look for the
zen and the art
of shoveling
because I wonder
why
it gets bigger
and how something
that to others
seems simple
to me is
immensely complicated

darkart

2005-05-09T05:53:00.000-07:00

whisks of brush
drag solemn palette
as the moon maintains
her silence
the question is asked
again and again
to an empty room
and green eyes
while deep indigo
gray and black
color the possible answer
will you forgive me?
if I can’t do this?

insignificance
leaves
no footprints

adrift

2005-05-05T04:12:00.000-07:00

heavy heart
question hangs
blue moon
conveniently unavailable
dusty boots
on the doorstep
only give testimony
of past tales
dim light, no map
this path
seems the same
as all the rest
perhaps
I am
delusional

dark within

2005-05-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

it rains
for me only
from dry
to rushing water
as if the universe knows
it’s the key
to wash the dark
from the meat
of my inner being
the tick tock soul
flood me free
show my worth
bring my light
I breathe in deep
the smell of water
as dawn breaks
open my chest
to be washed free

remembrance

2005-03-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

this is
stealing too
death takes her
with no warning
red flags green
white dress pressed
briefly, she started to say...
breathlessness came
words were stolen

anything

2005-03-26T03:46:00.000-08:00

not everyone can be a rough rider
time passed
I hear the clock tick
going to the dark side of the moon
wasn't the worst thing
because I went there
with you
It still lives and breathes
inside me
pulsing and throbbing
dark indigo
deep, slow, warm movements
as if no time had passed
but then
clock ticks
the question
yet remains unanswered

illumination

2005-03-16T02:12:00.000-08:00

in the night
it lay still
in a box
under the bed
locked
the key in a far away land
and I wonder
please
won't you let me in
let this belong to me
just this once
open
shine the warm light
into my heart
let it be whole

slice

2005-02-28T02:03:00.000-08:00

press flesh
cold steel
blood flows slowly
in straight lines
like a controlled burn
steam released
from boiling kettle
balloon
too full of air
finds relief
release
in a ritual
not meant for death
but to save life
cleansing spirit
bringing peace

quiet

2005-02-27T03:33:00.000-08:00

in the silence
my very aloneness
captures me

waterworks

2005-02-27T00:36:00.000-08:00

angry sky opens up
pounding ground
like a spurned lover
heartbroken
taking pain out on
unsuspecting earth

dark

2005-02-23T04:27:00.000-08:00

sweet goddess
what have I done?
when did the best thing
stop being the right thing?
I'm in the tunnel again
the candle snuffed out
over and over
by harsh winds
lay your hands on me
send me light
and guidance
I have lost my way
again

zen valentine

2005-02-23T04:25:00.000-08:00

big tree giving birth
to infant spring green leaves
tall guardian palm tree
sways softly in breeze
rain threatens in gray blue patch sky
as white puff clouds make way

inside, warm light fills space
seagrass scattered
kitty valentine's day party
the professor mutters to himself
tap tap taps on keyboard
no worries of the big bad
I fondle new silver hearts around my wrist
paint berry color on my toes
red rose
blue wild flower
pink godiva hearts
zen and the art
of valentine's day

now what

2005-02-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

the argument
for my silence
lies in that phrase

uncle

2005-02-02T13:52:00.000-08:00

hefty elephant sits on chest
heart slams hard to fight the weight
of this burden
beating faster
with each short, shallow breath

say uncle
I bite my lip and shake my head
say uncle!

hot tears run down my cheeks
stinging my face
with their salt...and anger...and frustration
I bite my lip harder in determination
blood runs down my chin

each minute I don't give into
this fat, heavy, invasive bastard
is one I win
bloody and bruised
I choose always to fight
but....he usually wins a few rounds

loud

2005-02-02T13:37:00.000-08:00

deep bone chill
down comforter fails to warm
heart pounds chest wall
as if being kept prisoner
details build gridlock
lights sound movement
screeching thought to drastic halt
sleep eludes and evades
cruelly and without thought
given to the need to refuel
recharge
warrior struggles at the task
whispers on the wind
for mercy
remain unanswered

guardian

2005-01-21T20:44:00.000-08:00

steel blue sky
watches over me
gray blue clouds
see all
looks down on footsteps
on concrete streets
and peers through
my window
always keeping
my secrets

crash

2005-01-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

emotional ice pick chips
at stone cold brick
pieces of mortar fall
crashing to the ground
small break feels
like wrecking ball was here
old buildings make way
for new

in this moment
for all its prickly discovery
it lets me miss you
broken wall
lets sunshine in

without

2005-01-06T20:42:00.000-08:00

sky so small
ground so cold
rain so loud
thoughts pound down
ink hadn’t even dried
crumpled paper
on the floor
footprints in soft sand
permanent impermanence

uninvited

2004-12-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

flee from my memory
you are now uninvited
unwelcome
I only asked you in to visit
I didn’t say you could put your feet up
all the while making requests of me
in my house
that I have not the heart
to resist
it is brutal to settle into soft places
comfortable and safe
all the while being cruel and dismissive
as you ask for implicit trust
take what you need and go
you are not worthy
of this sacred space
any longer

nenhuma cautela

2004-11-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

hand me my caution, love
it’s here somewhere
I hear the wind
rustling the leaves outside
I’m giving it a big toss
I don’t need it now
I bend, but don’t break
instinct is everything I need
that
and your big sweet heart
let me get hurt
I’ll take the minutes
in between
nenhuma cautela
pode ser minha estrada

sweet

2004-11-18T21:11:00.000-08:00

like honey on my tongue
I drink you in
I can’t drink fast enough
get enough
soft, deep breaths I take
as if to slow time
swimming in your voice
the moment stills
I smile at each new
unexpected
discovery of you

broken plate

2004-11-18T20:29:00.000-08:00

winds of change
just blew sand in my eyes
will it ever be different?
friendship
the word as it stands
rings hollow anymore
no integrity
and I’m the silly girl
who leaves her door open
I let you into my house
you let me into yours
but I must have broken a plate
or used the wrong fork
because I’ve not been invited back
instead it’s clear
the assassin’s been here
and wiped out all evidence
of me
why is it always okay to hurt me
just because it’s easy to do so?
when you need me next
little girl
but your friends speak of cathy jeans
or you can’t tell them your true spirit
the one you showed me
you remember how today
you bounced your duchess self out the door
when you should have been taking me with you
I still took the high road

blood bled wood

2004-11-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

I bit my cheek
blood trickles down my lip
do you even realize
that you just slapped me in the face?
boots still dusty
from last trek down
this bumpy road
I carved my initials into that bench
over there
see?
the knife slipped
and cut my leg
blood bled wood
marked my place here
forever
deep scrub skin
to get dust off
until skin bleeds
we are trapped
only if we want to be
our realities here are not the same
I face desert dry echoes
while you live in double abundance
as I touch tip of tongue
to bloody lip
I accept my dusty boots
of past
but abandon path
letting only blood in wood
speak for me there now

Petunia

2004-11-12T21:26:00.000-08:00

weather changes
bones chill
seasonal memory
brings me your eyes
your voice
that Sunday morning
when a gun
and a bathtub
ended your journey
we were kindred
souls bled one
ache pounds deep
echoes hollow
your broken heart
now lives
in mine

finally fall

2004-11-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

big green tree
submits
maple leaves
now gold, pink, crimson
rain beats down
no mercy
seasons bring snuggly warm
hot honey tea
cashmere socks
blue chenille throw
memories of snugglies past
rainy mornings
purple clouds lining gray rainmakers
sleepy Sundays
watching rain fall
the season for reflection

glass houses

2004-11-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

living in glass houses
made of one way glass
people can’t see me
no throwing stones
can’t bust out
still making phone calls
words fail to paint
the picture
that I’m beginning to see
so clearly now
this language I speak
belongs only to me
and there is no translation
the story I tell
doesn’t bring nods of familiarity
cold glass house
is only comfort
against harsh question
the battle is mine
I will always fight
it is my nature
I plead for change of venue
warm beach cottage
with co-counsel
who can argue the elements
and stir the fire

rebirth

2004-10-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

blessed rain
washes cracked dry dust dirt
down into rich dark soil
soft grey clouds
meet full rainmakers
bursting over city beautiful
like a baptismal
cleansing out cobwebs
soul’s dark corners
as if it rained only for me
cool, dark sky
pouring soft precious water
allowed rest, reflection, meditation
slight rainbow’s appearance
means new growth
to come

cold wind

2004-10-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

mercy please
dear god, I ache for you
I miss just being next to you
the confliction rages in you
your public face
speaks cold
but I know
your private thoughts
and I miss your warm

fair and noble
there is no blame
but I still carry you
inside me
your silence
however necessary
floods my consciousness
with torment
where was I when you became so integral?
cold, hard wind blows rough
I see you watch me
conflicted also
I walk away

pretence

2004-10-16T01:06:00.000-07:00

warm red wine
velvet on my tongue
flows hot through my body
cold comfort
pretence is your forte
steely and hard
you lied to me
dark eyes
avoid mine
lie to you, too
because my heart
remembers
what you said
first

subtle

2004-10-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

small soft touch, gesture
warm and safe, comfort dwells here
subtle word, heart beats

empty port

2004-10-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

friendship seems
convenient
you jump ship
at the sight of deep gray cloud
left me sailing
alone
into port
where I am asked about you
but those who know you
don’t know
we ever set out
together

recess

2004-10-02T01:32:00.000-07:00

morning bright
long shadows
brings work
and structure

on the inside
there are band aids
on my knees
pigtails in my hair
my giggle
ever present
the one I’m told
could save the world
if put in a bottle
and sold
the one that shines
in true joyous moments
the one I cannot hide
when you smile at me
say my name

afternoon heat
close to you
intoxicated
in your scent
my mind dizzy
work forced
giggle waiting
happy knowing
that you
just are

a perfect moment

2004-09-30T21:24:00.000-07:00

muscles warm and limber
I run tips of fingers
across your belly
bodies hot
cool breeze
brings goosebumps
our breathing in sync
traffic bustles outside
the world moves on
but now and here
just stillness
a perfect moment

warm

2004-09-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

I look at you
and like warm sun
you melt icy fear
soothe indifference
dissuade the harsh beast
of self-crucifixion
warm and soft
I feast on you
swim in your voice
and believe in heaven again

forbidden

2004-09-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

so close to me
I can’t breathe
fumbling for words
lose track of thoughts
your scent lingers
fills up the crevasses in my head
no room to think
except of you
and how dangerous
how perfect
it would be to kiss you
new possibilities
still forbidden
spent in silent moments
when our eyes meet
that’s where you held me
your energy
the connection
breathless now
I wait for
the next

in the absence

2004-09-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

remove what you don’t want
erase it as if it were never there
but the evidence lingers
you can feel the energy
in the absence
my scent lingers
on your skin
even if
time passed slowly
my voice echoes
in the deep recesses
of your mind
in that moment when
you close your eyes
before sleep takes you
I still live in a small place
in your heart
running through your imagination
the delete key
does not make it untrue